Thursday, September 29, 2011

if plan a fails, always remember there are 25 more alphabets to go



alphabets. i don't get alphabets. they form a ruling from one to twenty six, and emit sounds that file dependency. sure, that sentence didn't really make sense to you, but to me, an infant going on sixteen, each damn alphabet, as adorably built as some may be, scalds my mouth with difficulty. a is for annoying. a is pronounced as aye. but when i use it as a greeting like the pirate on spongebob or the local DVD ahbeng do, the adults correct me by saying, "no it's hi". hi sounds like i. i is pronounced as ai. and if you add a h behind that ai, you'd get an exasperated remark coming from papa e.g. "aih your mama is an ass!" if you move the h to the front of ai, you'd get hai. hai is pronounced as hi. they're basically the same word, right? wrong. when i say hai instead of hi, i get a duck-shaped soap chucked into my mouth. so is i mama? or i me? or is i a distinctive foreboding of bad words to come? which brings me back to ass. ass is the pronunciation of s. while i'm allowed to say s the letter, i'm not allowed to say s the pronunciation. n is pronounced as an. grandma always asks me if i would like an apple. so n is before dinner but not after apple? l is for mama. because lazy people call her l. but her name doesn't begin with an l. it begins with an e, followed by an l. my name is emma. the second letter in my name is m. is that why people call me m? doesn't it get confusing? only twenty six alphabets in the world and a bazillion people to call. mama calls papa b. pronounced as bee. bees sting. they also make honey. papa calls mama honey. so should i call mama o? pronounced oh? like oprah?

don't get me started on f.

alphabets. i don't get alphabets, but then again, i don't get adults.

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