wandering limbs

last night, the painted eyes of my daughter’s Tickle Me Elmo awoke with a glimmer of evil. fine, I exaggerate. here’s what really happened: i was sitting in the living room, watching Animal Practice and tweeting my favorite Dr.Yamamoto quotes (yes I have no life), when the damn thing started talking on its own. no hands, nobody in sight, just Elmo and i, staring at one another. and yes it started talking.

“Tickle me!” it said.

i froze.

when i didn’t respond to its inanimate ass, it started cackling loudly before falling to the ground from laughter.

i freaked the hell out, grabbed whatever logic i had lying on the couch, ran into my daughter’s bedroom, and hid under her covers. thankfully, she didn’t stir from slumber in spite of the chaos in the room that was my troubled mind.

this morning, i came across a random stranger’s comment on Facebook, and she posted this; “With all the evil happening in the world, I’m afraid to have children. All of you who do are brave.”

there’s been a flood of crimes happening locally, and if you’re a fan of ignorance being the ultimate bliss, then the Facebook feed would be your worst enemy. day after day, hour after hour, victims and friends of victims from various locations would share their nightmares with us, and we would share our sympathetic woes as if we were anything but strangers.

as a mom, i bring these stories with me to bed. i’d lie there, staring at the ceiling, languishing in possibilities unimaginable to the naked eye. i’d list them out, i’d stare them blank, i’d shake them off – at least for a moment – with the shivers of a worried mother. i’d pray, and pray, and pray again, that my family remains safe, that God would, for whatever reason, bless us out of the billions of faces in this world with a protective shield and healthy lives.

a selfless soul would’ve prayed for world peace, but i am far from selfless. i am a mother, and i prayed for my family. it is all i can afford.

needless to say, going out over the weekend was the last thing that i wanted to do. i felt safer at home, more in control of situations. however, i took one look at my daughter, all dressed in a mermaid costume and carrying a pumpkin head for a bucket, anticipating the thrill that would be her first trick or treating night out, and reevaluated my decision to lock us all up and away from the world. i may be carrying a heavy boulder on both shoulders by choice, but that didn’t mean my kids had to carry the pebbles that fell in its place in their gentle little hands.

so we went out. and we had fun. and we fought other selfish mothers along the way for some sweets that would eventually end up in my belly (you know, because i’m trying to protect the health and teeth of my kids and all…).

this morning, after reading that comment on Facebook, i got up, walked towards the Tickle Me Elmo that could very well have replaced all clowns in my life, and inspected it as one would the smallest of scars on the biggest of palms. it was then that i noticed the loose screw on one end of its battery box, causing a malfunction that allowed Elmo to be tickled without actually being tickled.

(i call it the “syok sendiri” syndrome, haha)

anyway, i fixed the damn thing, and moved on to some house chores. the toddler came home from school, played with Elmo as if it had never been broken at all, had her lunch of sandwiches shaped into little animals, and hugged me to sleep as if my arms were the safest place on earth, completely oblivious to the fact that it took me 12 hours to fight a stuffed toy.